Is It Wrong?
I think I've become completely self-involved. Is that bad? Honestly, I've never spent more time alone, and am enjoying it immensely - in fact, I can't remember being much happier than I am now. Did I push everyone away, or have I simply made the best of a situation in which most of my friends have either moved away or moved on to other things, just as I have? One of my closest co-workers accused me of pushing everyone away and isolating myself, and while I see the truth in that statement, I know I haven't done it maliciously. If it's true, I feel like I did it out of necessity. She seemed quite upset with me for it; perhaps it's because she's one of those people who needs lots of people around her all the time, and to me, that's just simply intolerable. I don't think she understands why I would actually CHOOSE to be by myself. I don't really either, but I know it's working for me at this particular stage of my life, so why argue?
I feel like I've finally moved past simply existing, and am now bursting to do things I've never done before - see places I've never been - and am also incredibly frustrated at myself for it taking me almost until my 30th birthday to get to this point, when lots of valuable time has already been wasted. All the sudden I feel like there are so many opportunities open that I never saw before. And in true Gemini fashion, I want to do them ALL NOW and feel like my job, while absolutely essential to survival, has become an increasing irritant in my life; the thing that's keeping me from doing what I really want to be doing.
And in true fashion, just as I set my mind on a whole new career, and actually mail the tuition check, my current career goes and rewards me - again. As if to say, "yes, you're not truly happy where you are, but you're not miserable! You're so good at the job you do for us even if you don't care about it at all except for the fact it keeps a roof over your head - stay with us...stay with us..." One of the top awards of the quarter - spot bonus - department recognition. I refer to it now as my 'major award' - I'm going to find a picture of that lamp from A Christmas Story and put it next to the framed certificate I got and mark it "fragile" (to be pronounced 'fra-JEEL-ay').
Is it wrong that the bonus pays for the tuition check I just mailed?
I feel like I've finally moved past simply existing, and am now bursting to do things I've never done before - see places I've never been - and am also incredibly frustrated at myself for it taking me almost until my 30th birthday to get to this point, when lots of valuable time has already been wasted. All the sudden I feel like there are so many opportunities open that I never saw before. And in true Gemini fashion, I want to do them ALL NOW and feel like my job, while absolutely essential to survival, has become an increasing irritant in my life; the thing that's keeping me from doing what I really want to be doing.
And in true fashion, just as I set my mind on a whole new career, and actually mail the tuition check, my current career goes and rewards me - again. As if to say, "yes, you're not truly happy where you are, but you're not miserable! You're so good at the job you do for us even if you don't care about it at all except for the fact it keeps a roof over your head - stay with us...stay with us..." One of the top awards of the quarter - spot bonus - department recognition. I refer to it now as my 'major award' - I'm going to find a picture of that lamp from A Christmas Story and put it next to the framed certificate I got and mark it "fragile" (to be pronounced 'fra-JEEL-ay').
Is it wrong that the bonus pays for the tuition check I just mailed?
posted by Danni at
10:23 PM
1 Comments:
I get you. I don't have enough fingers to count how many days I can go without speaking to someone not related to me. (Well, I mean physically. I love IM.) It's not a matter of misanthropy but rather more of an adaptability thing, and a comfort level with yourself that I think a lot of those attention/crowd type people simply don't have. I finally achieved what everyone told me would be the thing to jump start my life, this mythical college degree, and it's not what I want or need anymore. So I am working on trying a different direction myself.
But enough about me. Sounds like you're doing just fine, and I like the photos. I've been meaning to take the kidlets over to Huntley Meadows myself.
By
JB, at 11:29 PM
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