Another Revelation
I should be asleep right now. But I'm not. I'm awake, listening to Christmas music, trying to fully comprehend the revelation I had tonight. Don't worry - nothing bad. Just - kind of amazing for me.
It's taken me almost 30 years of life, and at least 3 years of therapy to come to this conclusion: There IS a difference - between being alone and being single. And with this revelation comes the realization that I've never been alone in my life.
Ever.
And I never will be.
As long as I have family that love me, friends who can at least stand to be around me for brief spans of time, and a cat who depends on me for sustenance and a clean litter box, I will never be alone. This is good. I guess the big news is: now that I know that I will never be alone, I've come to realize that I wouldn't mind being single the rest of my life. I have finally, somehow, gotten past the NEED to succumb to societal pressure that says you are a complete nobody if you are not in a relationship. Yes, this may be easier to say now that I am IN a relationship. Maybe it's the fact that now that I do have this relationship, I don't have this irrational fear of not having what I used to perceive as something that "everyone else had," even if it ultimately doesn't work out. I would truly love it if this were THE relationship and he is the one. But somehow, if it doesn't work out, I feel like I would be okay, and my life would go on, without the usual Danni-esque "go completely psycho for a couple of weeks, then be bitter and resentful for the next year or two before finally getting over it" process.
Does this mean I'm growing up?
That would be great, wouldn't it?
It's taken me almost 30 years of life, and at least 3 years of therapy to come to this conclusion: There IS a difference - between being alone and being single. And with this revelation comes the realization that I've never been alone in my life.
Ever.
And I never will be.
As long as I have family that love me, friends who can at least stand to be around me for brief spans of time, and a cat who depends on me for sustenance and a clean litter box, I will never be alone. This is good. I guess the big news is: now that I know that I will never be alone, I've come to realize that I wouldn't mind being single the rest of my life. I have finally, somehow, gotten past the NEED to succumb to societal pressure that says you are a complete nobody if you are not in a relationship. Yes, this may be easier to say now that I am IN a relationship. Maybe it's the fact that now that I do have this relationship, I don't have this irrational fear of not having what I used to perceive as something that "everyone else had," even if it ultimately doesn't work out. I would truly love it if this were THE relationship and he is the one. But somehow, if it doesn't work out, I feel like I would be okay, and my life would go on, without the usual Danni-esque "go completely psycho for a couple of weeks, then be bitter and resentful for the next year or two before finally getting over it" process.
Does this mean I'm growing up?
That would be great, wouldn't it?
posted by Danni at
10:35 PM
2 Comments:
This is probably going to come out all wrong, but that's fantastic that you got to that point. Not everyone does and or it hits at the worst times. You seem very together. Go you!
By
JB, at 4:05 PM
Our little baby's all growd up. She's growds up and she's growds up. -A la "Swingers"
By
Meegs, at 3:06 PM
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